You need not carry shame about your struggle with anger. You are not alone in your struggle. I wrestle with anger too. If others were honest, so do they. Some of us continue to push it down, until one day we explode. There are some who use methods like sarcasm to deal with their anger. While the rest of us are more prone to express our anger in our actions, tone and words.
From my own experience with anger, the last thing someone can tell us that we shouldn't be angry or we should stop. Why isn't that helpful, you may ask. It is because all that it does is pile on shame and guilt. Some of us can't help being angry because we are more prone to anger as a response, some of us had traumatic experiences, and some of us were raised in homes where anger was the only acceptable emotion. We know we are not suppose to be angry, we even try not to be angry, but sometimes anger just comes out, and it leaves us feeling shame because we are reminded again that we have failed and sinned in our anger.
Anger is one of those emotions that Christians don't do well talking about. As a result we have done great harm to each other. Some think that any form of anger is sinful and that it should be something that you shouldn't experience at all. They may have even gone on the record saying "If you are a Christian, you wouldn't get angry."This leaves many of us thinking we have sinned for being angry, even though we haven't done anything sinful in our anger or that there must be something wrong with us because we have the emotion of anger.
One thing we need to be really clear on is that anger in and of itself is not sinful. It is a God-given emotion to us. Anger is an emotion that can help us solve problems. Anger can be used for the glory of God and the good of others. Anger is an appropriate response to an injustice done to us or someone else. Anger is one of the stages that we all go through when we grieve the loss of someone or something. Anger is also a warning light to make us aware that something is wrong with us and that we should explore that emotion because more often then not, there are other emotions wrapped in our anger. We could be angry because we are we hurt by someone, we are sad, anxious, exhausted or even heart broken.
However, anger can be sinful if we allow it to rule our lives, control our responses to situations, and let it go unchecked in our lives. Since we all have sinful tendencies, even as Christians, we are more prone to do something sinful in our anger than something good. This is why the Bible is filled with many warnings about anger and councils us in what to do with it. The first warning against anger comes in Genesis 4 after the sin of Adam and Eve. God warns Cain to handle his anger towards Able properly: "Why are you angry and why has your face fallen? If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is contrary to you, but you must rule over it" (Genesis 4:6-7). Cain refused to listen to God and didn't take the warning seriously, as a result he murdered his brother.
Moses doesn't make it to the Promise Land because in his anger he struck the rock with his staff so water would come out. He let his anger and frustration towards the people to control him instead of being obedient to the instructions the LORD gave him. As you progressed through the scriptures, you discover more warnings about anger. Solomon in Proverbs 29:11 tells us that "Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end." Then in Ecclesiastes 7:9, he says "Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools." Paul writes in Ephesians 4:26-27, "In your anger do not sin': Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry and do not give the devil a foothold."
James, Jesus' half brother tells us in James 1:19-20, " My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this; Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires." Jesus himself tells us that "But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire. 23 So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift." When the Bible speaks of anger in a negative light, it is not talking about the basic emotion, but the sinful anger that leads us to doing sinful things.
Dear Christian, your hope in overcoming the sinful anger in your life is not found in you trying to not be angry, you trying really hard to not do something sinful in your anger, or going to anger management. They may be helpful things to do, but they aren't your hope. Your hope is Christ. He dealt with your sinful anger at Calvary, he set you free from anger ruling your life, He covers you where you fall short with your anger, and he has given you new life so you can act differently. Jesus is your hope because He is God and he was sinless in every way, even in his anger.
So the next time you are angry, or even if you are angry right now, take it to God. Step away from the situation and lay your anger at Jesus' feet in prayer. Take it to God. He has big enough shoulders to handle your anger. In fact he invites you to bring it to him (Matthew 11:28-30). This doesn't mean the feeling is going to go away, but by doing this you are being honest about your emotions and you are inviting God to help you process your anger and the situation.
This is something that I am learning to do more and more, and hopefully this becomes a more natural response for me over time. I have experienced many benefits in taking my anger to God. It has given me a healthy outlet for my anger instead of holding it in or exploding. It has helped relax me and think more clearly. God often reveals to me the other emotions or even expectations that is attached to my anger. Through this process he has shown me the necessary steps I need to take, often it is granting forgiveness or seeking it. Many times he has shown me that my anger was wrong and even unnecessary.
May this give you hope in your wrestle with anger. May you know you are loved by God and that he is going through great lengths to finish what he started. May you rest in Christ's saving work for you. May you be encouraged to boldly take your anger to God and lay it at his feet.
Blessings from your brother in Christ,
Josh
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