When Sundays Remind You of What You Don't Have

I am on the couch writing this blog, the kids are in their room playing, and my wife is out in the kitchen baking homemade bread. This morning we went to church and now we are spending the afternoon resting and relaxing. Many of us as Christians, understand the importance of going to church in order to worship God and be in community with other believers. However, I can't help but wonder how many of us go to church with mourning and discontentment in our hearts instead of anticipation because Sundays end up reminding us what we don't have.

I was made aware of this realization this morning for myself. I know the importance of going to church as a family and as a Christian. However, it has been a huge struggle for me these past few years. There are Sundays where I don't want to go and there are Sundays that I leave the church service discontent. Today was one of those days that I left feeling discontent, but this time God showed me why I was discontent and sad: Sundays just remind me of what I no longer have.

It has been over two years since I pastored my last church. It has been two years since I last preached on a regular basis. It has been two years since I was able to use my education and ministry training for its intended purposes. Even though I have had speaking opportunities at other churches, it has been two years of attending churches where the pastor doesn't make use of my giftings or give me an opportunity to preach.  It has been two years of churches ignoring my pastoral resume or having them interview me only to conclude they weren't ready for a pastor or that I wasn't the guy for them. It has been two years of feeling like ministry has been a waste of time for me and that I should go into another profession. It has been two years of living without a regular salary and trying to make whatever money I can to provide for my family, pay bills, and eliminate my debt. It has been two years of living in a two bedroom apartment that isn't adequate for my family of five, especially now that a fourth child is on its way. It has been two years of feeling like a failure.

I share this with you not so that you would feel sorry for me or feel guilted into having me preach at your church. I am sharing this with you to be transparent and let you know that there is pain behind that smile and a sense of loss. However, I can't help but feel that it was important for me to share this because there are some of you going through a similar thing and need to know that pastors struggle as well. There are some of you that Sundays remind you of your spouse who is no longer alive to worship with you. For some of us Sundays remind us that we will face another week of financial suffering, not knowing how we are going to pay our bills, put gas in the vehicle, and have food to eat while questioning whether or not it is wise to put our last bit of money in the offering plate. Then there are some of us where Sundays remind us that we have wayward children who refuse to worship Jesus, let alone go to church with us. Regardless, Sundays can remind us of what we lost and what we wish we have.

What are we to do with all of this? Should we stop going to church? Should we just give up on the faith? Should we push down all our emotions and feelings in order to suck it up and be a good Christian? Should we all banned together and form our own church? No, we acknowledge our loss and allow it to show us what we have gained: Christ himself.

Paul writes in Philippians 3, "But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith.  I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead." (7-11)

For Paul, giving up good things or having them taken away, in the end, was worth it if it means he could have more of Christ.  This doesn't mean he never experienced pain, sadness or missed certain things, but that it was incomparable to the intimacy and knowledge of Christ that he now has because of the loss of those things. If anybody knew anything about loss and grief, it was Paul. Yes, there were things that he willingly gave up for the sake of Christ, but much of the loss he experienced was because of his faith in Christ and from the result of living in a broken world. Paul's experience with loss helped him see how great a gain Christ really is, and it prepared him for any future loss that he may experience. Towards the end of Paul's life he spent much of his time in prison and was losing his eyesight, but it was during this time frame that he wrote much of his letters to the churches and experienced Christ in ways he never did before. In fact, he is in prison when he writes the letter of Phillippians. So when he says "I count everything as loss for the sake of Christ" he is writing it from the confines of prison. When he instructs us to "rejoice in the Lord always and again I say rejoice", he is writing it while he is in prison and not on some tropical island so that we would know that we are to always praise God, even if it causes us to go to jail. 

Dear Christian, you have not experienced great loss and grief in vain. We have a God who is able to take all our loss and redeem it for something good so that he can bless us more with his presence. We are able to experience intimacy and a knowledge of Christ that we wouldn't have if we didn't go through the loss that we have encountered. Despite how painful and frustrating the last two years have been, I have experienced God's faithfulness and presence in a way that I wouldn't have if I was currently in pastoral ministry. Along with that, I have grown in compassion, sympathy, patience, long-suffering, and have had opportunities and conversations that I wouldn't have been able to have if I was pastoring right now. I imagine you can see some of these things in your own loss. God has not forsaken you in this season, he is present and is at work showing us that he is what we truly need.

As we go to church next Sunday and are once again reminded of what we don't have, may we allow it to show us what we have gained; more of Christ.